Lyrics
Album
Intro
We like Firefly, and Battlestar and Star Gate Atlantis. Dr. Who, Babylon Five, Heroes and Star Trek. But there’s just one show that makes me think “hey, I should start a band” Watch Lost, I think you’re gonna like it. Watch Lost, and you’ll get all our jokes. (That’s true) Watch Lost and you’ll be better for it. (Now that’s more of an opinion) We watch Lost, and welcome to our show!
Ben’s Secrets
Well since the second season, why don’t you just cut to the chase Ben and say what you mean without allegorizing. It’s not as if you’re short on things to say. You’re prone to bits of premonition, a well fine bred kind of disposition and I’m waiting for your answers one of these days.
Oh, a killer to the core. He’s the kind of guy that’ll gas your friends and make you wish that you knew him more. He pulls of pity ‘cause he let it slip that he used to dream. But it’s just that ambiguity, the kind that makes me want to scream.
Why don’t you just cut to the chase Ben and say what you mean without allegorizing. It’s not as if you’re short on things to say. You’ve got some secrets to keep from me, I’m gonna break in your room and read your diary and I’m waiting for your answers one of these days.
Oh, I’ve seen his type before. He’s the kind of guy that lowers lotion into a well in his basement floor. [scream] He’s fighting off the modern-day Ponce de Leons, so I get the point of the secrecy, but what’s the point when your cover’s blown.
So every now and then, you’ve got to clue us in; you’ve got to share some secrets, Ben. You’ve got to cut us a break my friend. You’ve got to cut us a break my friend.
So why don’t you just cut to the chase Ben and say what you mean without allegorizing. It’s not as if you’re short on things to say. You’ve got some secrets? Well, I’ve got my own. I’m gonna read your email and I’ll tap your phone and I’m waiting for your answers one of these days.
Mixed Signals
We’ll take your kids and pregnant girls and watch every move from The Pearl. But no matter how bad we sound, you will be glad that we’re around.
We’ll knock you out with poison darts and we’ll conspire to break your heart. Let me make sure that we are clear: we are the good guys over here.
It’s so hard being an other. It’s so hard being an other.
I’ll trick you in to fixing me with the promise of going free. Let me reiterate once more: we’re super guys right to the core.
It’s so hard being an other. It’s so hard being an other. It’s so hard being an other. It’s so hard being an other.
SUBJECT: Rabbit
Just be glad you’re not a rabbit. (Just be glad you’re not a rabbit.) Just be glad you’re not a rabbit too. (Just be glad you’re you.)
Rabbit number one, we shot him into space. Number 45, we ground off his little face with a sander powered by number 91. Rabbits 9 through 12 are ammo in the rabbit-gun.
Please load the rabbit. Now, launch the rabbit. So soft and fuzzy. Bunny Kamikaze.
Rabbit 17, he tests the catapult. When they catch on fire, that’s not the Dharma doctor’s fault. Rabbit number 2’s taught to navigate by the stars and the 70s are lining the seats in our cars.
So cute and fluffy. How to bring him to me? So you want the carrot? Come and get the carrot.
Just be glad you’re not a rabbit or we’d do these things to you. Just be glad you’re not a rabbit or we’d do these things to you.
Number 42, he’s the best one of them all. He travels back in time so we can bet on basketball. (And win!)
In the name of science and death defiance- results dependable; rabbits expendable.
Just be glad you’re not a rabbit or we’d do these things to you. Just be glad you’re not a rabbit or we’d do these things to you.
Just be glad you’re not a rabbit. (Just be glad you’re not a rabbit.) Just be glad you’re not a rabbit too. (Just be glad you’re you.)
Billy D.
So it’s come to this: we need a guest star to play a guest star on our show within a show. I think you know who it’s gotta be: only Billy D.
He could play the part with grace and tact, just watch him act opposite that little twit, I think you know who’s stealing the scene: yeah it’s Billy D.
It’s gotta be Billy D. It’s gotta be Billy D. It’s gotta be Billy D.
He could flesh out Nikki and Paulo, make them less hallow. Those tow red-shirts, oh man it hurts, watching those two flit around the screen without Billy D.
Then after we wrap we’ll go to a bar on Kalakaua. It’s a dive, Colt 45, I think you know who’s boozing with me: yeah it’s Billy D.
It’s gotta be Billy D. It’s gotta be Billy D. It’s gotta be Billy D.
Nikki should go mano a mano, Nikki should go mano a mano with Lando. Razzle dazzle!
It’s gotta be Billy D. It’s gotta be Billy D. It’s gotta be Billy D.
That Sucks, Gary
(Oh, Gary) I wouldn’t stand there. (Oh, Gary) It wouldn’t be fair if someone burned the last few pages and you’re not around to show us how it ends. (Oh, Gary) I wouldn’t stand there.
(Oh, Gary) I heard Cindy survived. (Oh, Gary) I don’t think that she cried. She really didn’t seem that worried so there must have been some unrequited love. (Oh, Gary) I heard Cindy survived.
That sucks, Gary, but I guess now you know that you shouldn’t stand in front of the engine if you want to stay on the show. Oh, Gary.
(Oh, Gary) I heard what Damon said. (Oh, Gary) He spoke ill of the dead. If you’re book was really that bad then I guess we haven’t had much of a loss. (Oh, Gary) I heard what Damon said.
That sucks, Gary, but I guess now you know that you shouldn’t stand in front of the engine if you want to stay on the show. (Oh, Gary) That sucks, Gary, but I guess now you know – (Oh Gary) – that you shouldn’t stand in front of the engine if you want to stay on the show. Oh, Gary.
[That, that, that sucks, Gary Troup. That, that suck Gary Troup] - (That sucks, Gary. That sucks, Gary Troup.)
That sucks, Gary, but I guess now you know that you shouldn’t stand in front of the engine if you want to stay on the show. Oh, Gary.
Kate + No One 4 Eva!
I tend to think, if she were a man this wouldn’t fly with the female fans. They’d want her head served on a plate. Never a second date.
I tend to think, if my name were James, I’d be too old for the high school games. She’s loves me not, today it’s yes, tomorrow’s anyone’s guess.
Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said: Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said: Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said: Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said…
(Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said: Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said: Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. I said: Kate, Kate, Kate, I hope that you end up alone. Kate! Kate! Kate! Kate! Kate, Kate, Kate!)
I tend to think, if my name were Jack, I’d never think of taking her back. How many times and at what cost before she finally gets lost?
I tend to dream that she winds up alone.
The Redheaded Stranger
Charlotte, I think you’re sharp as a bullet, the Margaret Mead of your day. And in Korean or English or Klingon, I lack the words to convey that I care.
I hope we are in international waters for my love is a crime. You see I’ve loved you since you were just a child and, well, I was 35.
Oh, Charlotte, I think it was meant to be. (Oh, Charlotte) You may think you came here for Ben, but I know the truth; I know that you came here for me.
Just a pair of love bird academics, off the island we’d be driving Volvo’s, living out in the suburbs, we’d quote NPR frequently.
Oh, Charlotte, I think it was meant to be. (Oh, Charlotte) You may think you came here for Ben, but I know the truth; I know that you came here for me.
I know my mom acts a bit weird, she puts Grandma Death to shame. I know she’d learn to love you if we’d go back in time and start this all again.
Oh, Charlotte, I think it was meant to be. (Oh, Charlotte) You may think you came here for Ben, but I know that you came here for me. Oh, Charlotte, I think it was meant to be. (Oh, Charlotte) You may think you came here for Ben, but I know that you came here for me. (Oh, Charlotte) (Oh, Charlotte)
Oh, Jin
Why do you always leave me just when I decide that I need you more than I am afraid?
Why did you beat up Michael? Just because he saw me naked? Did you know that I kinda liked it?
Oh, Jin, you have to watch your temper. You win, just keep the watch, whatever. Oh, Jin, I was going to leave you, but now I’m visiting your tombstone. Oh, Jin.
Why are you friends with Sawyer? Just because he taught you some English? Did you know that he conspired to have be kidnapped and beaten?
Oh, Jin, you have to watch your temper. You win, just keep the watch, whatever. Oh, Jin, I was going to leave you, but now I’m visiting your tombstone. Oh, Jin. (Oh, Jin) Oh, Jin (Oh, Jin) Oh, Jin.
Quite Unseemly, Keamy
Now you may point your finger and say Keamy’s to blame for Ugandan massacres and killing people from the plane. But I’ll tell you this my friend, your finger’s gone off aim. ‘Cause when someone falls as far as Keamy has isn’t everyone to blame?
Oh, how does a boy go bad? Is it society or maybe and absent dad? There’s something unseemly about Keamy, I trust you know what I mean. ‘Cause when you’re blaming him, I hear you blaming you and me.
Gone within a season, every cameo a gem, his cards were dealt, his fate was sealed long before the island. No daddy never paid him mind, his mom was never home. He was born and raised a latch key kid, he lived and died alone.
And if it takes a village, then he never had a home. And if it takes a home, well daddy was a rolling stone. And if it takes a school, well son, his was a wayside one. It takes a lot of fault my friend to form this hired gun.
Oh, how does a boy go bad? Is it society or maybe and absent dad? There’s something unseemly about Keamy, I trust you know what I mean. ‘Cause when you’re blaming him, I hear you blaming you and me. There’s something unseemly about Keamy, I trust you know what I mean. So now I shed a tear for this good man who’s gone bad.
You better think it over son; challenge your preconceived notions about good and evil!
Helping Hand
Well, it’s time to take a walk, to where I don’t even know. We gotta clear our heads after a recent fiasco. I’ve been watching Lost, and I’ve been getting Lost with my friends.
When Jin punched Mike for reasons mysterious, I missed a couple shows and now confusion is serious. I need a helping hand. Won’t you help me understand? I’ve been watching Lost, and I’ve been getting Lost with my friends.
Come on my baby girl, the hour’s getting late. Tell me what’s going on during commercial breaks. I don’t ask you for much, only dollars and such. Give me a little clue. You know I’d do it for you.
I know there are podcasts and websites and board games and web shows, box set and fan vids and real games and God knows: all I haven’t seen to explain what it all means. I’ve been watching Lost, and I’ve been getting Lost with my friends.
Come on my baby girl, the hour’s getting late. Tell me what’s going on during commercial breaks. I don’t ask you for much, only dollars and such. Give me a little clue. You know I’d do it for you.
And so, I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I know you worry about me baby. And I know you worry because I got plans at night, but they’re fixed. They can’t change. ‘Cause I gotta see my boys Sayid and Jack. And so I think my deaf, I fear we’ve got to go back.
(Come on my baby girl, the hour’s getting late. Tell me what’s going on during commercial breaks. I don’t ask you for much, only dollars and such. Give me a little clue.)
Because I need a helping hand. Won’t you help me understand? I’ve been watching Lost, and I’ve been getting Lost with my friends. Because I need a helping hand. Won’t you help me understand? I’ve been watching Lost, and I’ve been getting Lost.
Wa-a-a-a-alt! (Incl. Elegy for Michael)
See, I got this problem: Walt’s skills are going untapped. He summons polar bears and birds, and somehow still gets kidnapped. Blew up my raft and took my son, you bet I’m getting surly. I’m just gonna keep shouting. I hope that he can hear me.
(Wa-a-a-a-alt!) When Locke said he was special, I didn’t believe him. (Wa-a-a-a-alt!) When Klugh said he was special, I didn’t believe him.
So, when I get him back I make him my emotional garbage disposal. But it freaks him out, I guess; his hate for me is visceral. So when I try to kill myself like Jack does in the future, should I be listening to the Pixies or grunge rock like Nirvana?
(Wa-a-a-a-alt!) When Locke said he was special, I didn’t believe him. (Wa-a-a-a-alt!) When Klugh said he was special, I didn’t believe him. (Wa-a-a-a-alt!) When Ben said he was special, I didn’t believe him. (Wa-a-a-a-alt!) When Tom said he was special, I didn’t believe him.
Letters from the 70s
Jack says writing, I know I will do wrong. I’m beaten down inside, I’m battered down by pride. Christian: betrayed, and then I stole his shoes. I let Joanna die, convinced Hurley. In thirty years, I’ll make it right, I swear.
Kate says writing, I know I will do wrong. I played too hard to get; I lost to Juliet. Robbing, thieving: my whole life’s been a lie. I blew up my own dad. Well that one’s not so bad. In thirty years, I’ll make it right, I swear.
Well Dan says we can’t change what we’ve done. I’ll show him up. He says that we can’t fix our old crimes. I’ll act right next time.
Sayid, writing, knows he will do wrong. Tortured for Sadam. Asalaam 'Alaykum. Nadia: murdered, a pain to deep to shake. As a right-hand man to Ben, finds himself killing again. In thirty years, he’ll make it right, I swear.
Well Dan says we can’t change what we’ve done. I’ll show him up. He says that we can’t fix our old crimes. I’ll act right next time.
Well Dan says we can’t change what we’ve done. I’ll show him up. He says that we can’t fix our old crimes. I’ll act right next time. I’ll act right this time.
Alternate Timeline
1-800-DARMA-ME
New-Otherton
a perfect place to start a fam,
we got book clubs and min-vans
You'll be kept safe
By our sonic weapon fence
explodes our foes at small expense
we know you'll love the place
those tails you've heard
about shadow monsters mauling men
we'll here truth all about them
an old wives tail!
and on an unrelated note
those whipsers all came from my throat
I was just muttering, well...
[CHORUS]
New otherton, its tons of fun, bring your loved one today
no dead end jobs, or worthless slobs, apply with no delay
Will give you clothes and new nice homes, this offer won't last long
this is your chance, your life enhanced, by doing as I say
Call 1-800-DARM-AME today
Well, no doubt
you've heard rumors of dying wives
whose child birth brought x-ed out eyes
but don't you fret
unending youth comes with down sides
but we'll work it out with stolen brides
oh! we'd love for you to come, to
Why not do it for your kids
Why not do it for your wife
Why not do it for your folks
Why not do it to improve your life
Why deprive yourself
get a little bit of wealth
and a little good health and come to
Nathan's Problem
Nathan's a man, a Canadian man
A man who likes to spend his time in the can
He just wants to get home and doesn't care how.
And he must also have an overactive bowel.
He avioded abductors who were sent forth to grab
Because according to Ben he was not all that fab
He runs off to the jungle for hours on end
which makes them suspicious of our incontinent friend.
Oh Nathan, we love you
If you were on trial you know we'd acquit
But Nathan, look behind you
Oh No, Nathan now you are stuck a pit
Nathan's now lonely and sad in a hole
With only his thoughts and his own brand of black coal.
Well Goodwin felt bad and set Nathan free
Then snapped our friend's neck before he could flee.
Oh Nathan, we love you
We don't care what they say, it just doesn't matter.
But Nathan, look behind you
You'd still be alive if you had controlled your bladder.
Friendship Island
Far away on a lonely distant island
with details quite surreal
a couple strangers picked to live together
not polite, they were acting real
One a father who often lost his temper
another one was Jin
but through a watch and a bit of hidden english
the island struck again
and they became the best of friends
island friendships never end
Or take another most unlikely pairing
one corner holds a thief
and in the other an ex-Iraqi torturer
you bet they had some beef
Initially they were rotten to the core with
no way to guess who'd win
but then Sayid took a walk to get his bearings
the island struck again
and they became the best of friends
island friendships never end
So say you got some problems
with someone you love
I got a place where you can go so
you can get a long
A permeant vacation
where you don't have to fume
you take a flight, to make things right
the island heals all wounds
The Ben - Illana situation steaming
and well drenched in blood
what could solve a conflict that was caused by
the death of folks they love
The solution, so plain to be insulting
it was a firing pin
with the chance to murder one another
the island struck again
and they became the best of friends
island friendships never end
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Oh good, Charles back
a return from our TV past
once retreated with forgotten cast
LIke Nikki, Anna, or Boone
With his death a collective sigh
a definitive last good-bye
least I'd thought before he tried
my nieve assumptions, cause
on LOST dead ain't dead
a collective delusion
chock it up to convenience,
genus, mistakes or tricks
With each passing season
we see so many new undead
not the kind that is rotten
the kind thats fit and trim
on LOST we're all necro-romacin'
Feredy back to remind
that he's the smartest of his kind
a mix of hawking and a hipster guy
with one foot in the grave
Some show up and it is absurd,
Charlotte has like a dozen words
then disappears again which just confirms
that the cast just hangs around, cause
Maybe there are terminator rules
where you got see um melt to be sure
but still we're never going to be sure
until they show the final feature
Thought it through a thousand times (They're LOST zombies)
Can't find any reason or rhyme (With Hot Bodies)
all I've done is realize (Free of Disease)
the revved must hit the gym
on LOST we're all necro-romacin' (They are LOST zombies)